It's been ten years since I left China. I only lived there for a year, but it was, in retrospect, the year of my life that changed me the most.

Shijiazhuang is a small town about four and a half hours south of Beijing. I was there in 1987-88 teaching at Shijiazhuang Teacher's College. Almost every place in China has history going back 1000s of years except Shijiazhuang, a city less than a hundred years old. When the Europeans parceled up China after the opium wars, the Germans and the English built railroad lines, and the railroad line from Qingdao (a German concession where they make the best beer in China) crossed the English line running from Canton to Peking. There was a tiny village there, the Stone Family Village (Shi Jia Zhuang).

Now Shijiazhuang is something of the Toledo of China. It's full of textile mills and television plants and most of the guidebooks say that it's only good for getting train connections to other places. But if you wanted to get a feel for everyday life in Northern China, Shijiazhuang was the place to be.

The things that struck me most about life in China:

Breakfast. The Chinese eat about anything for breakfast. We usually got fried peanuts with our breakfast and one morning I got chicken noodle and onion soup with a fried egg on top of it. Once you've eaten peanuts with chopsticks at 7:30 in the morning, the rest of the day is downhill.

Bicycles. A bicycle is the family car in China. In morning rush hour the streets would be a sea of bicycles and bicycle bells and lots of the bicycles would have three people on them--husband in dress shirt and pants pedaling, wife in a dress riding sidesadle on the back, and small child in a basket seat sitting on the handlebars.

The cold. I always thought of China as hot steamy rice paddies, but Beijing is as far north as New York City and is often colder. The heat isn't put on until sometime in late October as determined by the city, and it's only on for two hours in the morning (while people are getting ready for work) and two hours in the evening (when people get home.) My apartment building was all concrete, floors, ceilings and walls, and it got cold, so I went to bed early a lot.

The lack of privacy. My Chinese students lived eight to a room. Until the concept was introduced from the west, the Mandarin language didn't even have a word for 'privacy'.

My family is just like the Literary Building in our college. "The society" is rigidly stratified with my father on top, my mother and brother in the middle, my sister and I on the bottom. In my family my father is conservative and very powerful. His one word may be worth our more than 10 words. If you dare refuse his proposal or even partially oppose his idea O.K. stay out of the family for 5 days. There will be no position of yours at home. My sister and I are too young to know how to deal with my father so that there is a very sharp contradiction with my father on one side and my sister and I on the other which results that we always suffer our father's punishment. As to my mother and my brother they are familiar with my father's temper and mind and they have their own ways of catering on my father and taking care of us who are 'down-troddened.'

It happened on the first day of the Chinese Lunar New Year of 1987. I was letting off firecrackers in the early morning when I heard my father's calling. "Xiaojun, come in. Jiaoji [dumplings] is ready." Then I found I was very angry and hurried in, seated myself at the table and carried a bowl. I was putting a jiaoji into my mouth, my father continued. "After breakfast, you two brothers will kowtow to me and your mother." Oh how terrible it is! What I hated most was to kowtow--to get down on my knees before somebody. I sat there dumb-founded with a jiaoji in my mouth for nearly one minute. Then my father found my appearance and asked, "What's wrong with you? Are you ill?"

"No, but it is already the 1980s. Why do you still keep us kowtowing before you year after year?" I was confused and complained.

"Why, because it is the CUSTOM coming from generation to generation. By kowtowing before my parents I grow up and become father of you. Do you want to break the rule?" He seemed little angry.

"Well my brother has just got married and I am now a college student. Will you give up that out-of-date belief and let us off this time?"

"Hey, you are a college student, you are more knowledgeable than me! But as a matter of fact your knowledge is far from my experience. The bridges I have crossed are much longer than the roads you have covered. On the other hand, how have you become a college student? Can you grow up to your present age without our support? Is it easy for us to afford your studies? Nearly 20 years, I give you whatever you want. But now you forget them all! I wonder what the matter is with you."

"--because I don't think it's useful. After I have kowtowed before you, you will get 100 yuan and become healthier, is that true?"

"Then what is useful? From the matter of kowtow I can see whether you are loyal to me or not. Anyway, I don't listen to your nonsense. We have to abide by the principles established by our ancestors. Now say frankly, kowtow or not? If you don't, okay, go away from me. I don't want to see you anymore."

At this time my brother stood up and passed a cup of wine to my father and said: "All right, father. Please, don't be angry at him. He is still young. He knows little about this established practice. Please forgive it. He will kowtow before you after breakfast." And then he turned back to me pretending to criticize me: "You shouldn't oppose our father because he's the head of the family. Never mind. There is only one time for us brothers to do that in a year." I don't think it will bother you--"

"Yes," my mother continued his topic, "it won't bother you at all. My child, try to be a good boy."

"No," my sister said, "all of you are one side against my second eldest brother. I won't let him kowtow. No. No!"

I bent my head.

Now, my dear reader, you can guess that I gave up at last. I kowtowed unwillingly. Anyway, I will never be conquered in my mind by my father. But what should I do? How can I persuade my father to give up his ancient, out-of-date, rotted and feudalist mind? My good readers, would you like to give me a hand?

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