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Three poststructuralist critic-adventurers wreak havoc upon the Temple of Artifacts in this Indiana Jones parody of postmodern literary criticism.
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EXCERPT
A Temple. Columns. One, two, three Grecian Urns. Center
stage, a Book on a Pedestal. A heavenly pin-spot shines down
on it.
From offstage, chanting as they enter, come the PRIESTHOOD
OF NEW CRITICS, in splendid academic robes and cowls. ACOLYTES
and NOVICES follow, hunched over, dragging dissertations, concordances,
critical exigeses behind them attached to large chains wrapped
around their chests, arms, and ankles.
PRIESTS
THE ONE WAY -- THE TRUE WAY!
THE MEANING -- THE THEME!
IMMUTABLE BEAUTY!
ITS ESSENCE PRISTINE!
ART IS ARTIFACT --
INTERPRETATION IS EXACT!
BEHOLD! BEHOLD!
AND READ AS YOU ARE TOLD!
ACOLYTES & NOVICES repeat each line after them, ad
nauseum. A WOMAN among them is chanting unhappily. All move upstage
to contemplate the Urns.
STANLEY FISH, ROLAND BARTHES, and GEORGES POULET enter
stealthily, in pith helmets. They rather resemble the Three Stooges
outfitted as Indiana Jones.
BARTHES
Dieu, I thought we'd never get past those guards.
FISH
What did you throw at them that managed to distract them?
BARTHES
"Gravity's Rainbow".
POULET
My God! Will you look at that!
ALL turn and see the Book on the Pedestal.
BARTHES
Incroyable! A classic artifact! (rummages through his knapsack)
Where's my code book? Where's my dissection kit?
FISH
Roland, how many times have we gone over this. It's not in
code. It's not even a thing. It's an event, one which we read
in time. That it's currently in a material form is, well, a sort
of trick.
POULET
I agree -- it's not a thing. That so-called "object"
houses an alien consciousness -- and possibly a dangerous, contaminating
one at that. I can hardly believe they don't keep it under glass.
We'd better be careful when we approach it. Because once we crack
it open, it'll start to change us. (begins to speak faster
and faster) Change us without our even knowing it. I can
already feel it seeping into my brain--
FISH
Geez, you're paranoid lately. Have you been hanging out with
Wayne Booth again?
BARTHES
Here we are.(finds his kit and takes it out of his knapsack:
scissors, Exacto-knife, razor, Elmer's Glue, microscope, multicolored
filters, colored pens.) Time to dice and slice!
FISH
Hold the Vegematic, Roland. If you take it apart too soon,
we won't be able to fully experience it -- much less count the
quatrains or the gendered rhymes for Riffaterre. As for myself,
I was rather hoping to experience some ambiguity.
(CONTINUES)
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