PRETZELS & LONGING

by Linda Eisenstein

 Full Length Plays

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 Comedy

10 minutes

1F

20's & up

Maddie, forever on the prowl, wants to meet grrrls in the worst way. And the oh-so-political Rina insists that the VERY worst way is in a bar. But are the Good Lesbian Seal of Approval alternatives any better? A comic rant.

  • Published: in The Best Women's Stage Monologues of 1998 (Smith & Kraus)
  •  EXCERPT

     

    So Rina goes, why don't you go to the Center, I never see you there, it's an alcohol-free, womyn-friendly space.

    Oh, peachy, I say, that's a real upper, it's nothing but wall to wall support groups. Who wants to hear your own problems reflected back at you times 10. No, it's not, she says, there are social events, too, and I say, Get real! Country line dancing, no THANK you, it's like bad aerobics with hay stuck in your teeth, even the Chlamydia Support Circle looks good next to that. All those groups, they're as demoralizing as therapy, only without the relief or the attention.

    Although I did fall for a really cute therapist once, big big blue eyes so full of sympathy, every time I looked into them I burst out crying, and that was hardly becoming. Plus it's extremely irritating to have to PAY to see someone you have a crush on, especially when there's an insurance deductible, and Blue Cross doesn't cover it anymore anyway.

    At least in a bar you get pretzels with your longing. (CONTINUES )

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