OPTIONAL

by Linda Eisenstein

 Full Length Plays

Musicals

One Acts

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Theatre Music

 Comedy

10 minutes

1F, 1M

20's

A weekend trip to a "clothing optional" hot springs proves challenging for an engaged couple.

 EXCERPT

 

[Outdoors. The sound of crickets. MARY ELLEN is wearing a terry cloth robe; JACK has a towel wrapped around his waist; his hair is wet.]

MARY ELLEN

A whole weekend of this!

JACK

It's not that bad, you know. The hot pool IS relaxing. Kind of soapy. The water holds you up.

MARY ELLEN

I'll pass, thanks.

JACK

And c'mon, smell the air. Incense cedars. It's beautiful country out here.

(HE watches somebody walk by, follows them with his eyes.)

MARY ELLEN

Yes, you can hardly keep your eyes off the scenery. God! (gets up) I'm going...I don't know where I'm going. (sits down again)

JACK

Honey -- calm down.

MARY ELLEN

Did you notice that Ginger has a tattoo of a cartoon chipmunk on her right ass cheek? I shouldn't have to know that about her.

JACK

Look, I said I was sorry.

MARY ELLEN

This is Todd and Ginger's idea of relaxation? A nudist...

JACK

It's a clothing optional hot springs, Mary Ellen.

MARY ELLEN

It doesn't look freaking optional to me. I'm the only one in 2 square miles who doesn't have all her parts dangling out.

JACK

I've seen a couple other bathing suits.

MARY ELLEN

Right, on the ten year old. Who in God's name takes their ten year old to a place like this? Like I want some pre-adolescent inventorying my moles.

JACK

So keep your clothes on.

MARY ELLEN

You better believe I will. If I had packed a burnoose, I'd be wearing it right now.

(CONTINUES)

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