SYNOPSIS OF SCENES & SONGS

ACT I
1. Three frantic workers at a telephone hotline field a variety of bizarre requests from holiday-stressed callers. SONG: HOLIDAY HOTLINE. Download MP3		2. Therapy #1: A phobia therapist attempts to work through Mrs. MacDougall's fear of Christmas.
3. SONG: THE XMAS BUM-OUT ALBUM. Ad #1: a CD of the most depressing holiday songs ever recorded.		4. An old lady is tormented by insipid neighbors who insist on sharing their "joy" with her. SONG: MANDATORY MERRIMENT. Download MP3
5. Welcome to Farnwell's. Pat, an abused retail clerk, gets a visit from the Christmas Fairy, who grants his wish: to be able to say or do anything he wants to his overbearing customers for one night.		6. SONG: O CHANUKAH. Our obligatory nod to Hanukkah.
7. Hotline #2: A snowman calls the hotline about his travails since children brought him to life with a magic hat.		8. Therapy #2: Mrs. MacDougall's phobia therapy takes another turn.
9. Hotline #3: A despondent Jesus calls the hotline when everyone forgets his birthday. The Christmas Fairy and Mary Magdalene show him how it will be celebrated in the future. SONG: YOU'RE THE REASON
10. As they deliver hand-me-down toys to underprivileged kids,		Bud & Lou boast about their own gotta-have-'em digital toys.
11. SONG: GIVE A LITTLE CHRISTMAS. Two bell-ringers in a paean to holiday charity.		12. SONG: YA KNOW YA WANT ME, BABY. Department store owner Mr. Farnwell considers the purchase of seductive bump-&-grind mannequins to pump up holiday sales.
ACT II
13. Hotline #4. The pagan god Mithras calls to complain that Christmas is a copycat holiday. The polkaing neighbors return, garlanding him in holiday bondage. SONG: MANDATORY MERRIMENT 2.
14. Kwanzaa Debate #1. Famed groundhog Punxatawny Phil and the Easter Bunny Debate whether Kwanzaa is a real holiday.
15. SONG: A-WASSAILING WE WILL GO. Ad #2: A CD with carols from "old-fashioned Christmases" when ruffians roamed the streets, shaking down rich people for food and drink.		16. The Three Wise Men stop in a mall gift shop to try to finish their holiday shopping for the newborn Messiah.
17. SONG: DON'T YOU JUST LOVE CHRISTMAS (RIO FANTASY). A hymn to "mixed marriages": where one partner loves Christmas and the other wants only to escape it.		18. Kwanzaa Debate #2. After the debaters conclude that Kwanzaa will only be a legitimately commercial holiday once it has its own character, we see clips from an upcoming "heartwarming" family film. SONG: KEVIN THE KWANZAA MOOSE.
19. The tipsy Eleanor shows her new daughter-in-law		the secrets of her special holiday-themed stuffing.
20. THE BICYCLE OPERA. A single mother attempts to assemble a bicycle on Christmas Eve, in tragic grand opera style.		21. Ad #3: An ad for a new drug to treat "Christmas Distancing Disorder": Deckthehall.
22. Therapy #3: Mrs. MacDougall transformed by Deckthehall.		23.SONG: A TOAST ON CHRISTMAS EVE. A torch song by the Christmas Fairy, proposing a toast to all the folks who don't fit in. Download MP3
24. Hotline #5: Bob, a depressed hotline employee, inadvertently ends up taking a call from Charlotte, his lonely ex-wife.		25. On the curb waiting for trash pickup, two Christmas trees compare their holidays. The Christmas Fairy grants the innocent tree her holiday wish. SONG: HOLIDAY HOTLINE (finale).

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