By Linda Eisenstein, Amanda Shaffer, & the Cleveland Public Theatre Ensemble. Additional material by James A. Levin.

Excerpt:

"C.P.T. Volunteer"

music/lyrics by Linda Eisenstein

(rockabilly-type music)

My eyes are bloodshot, I rarely sleep --

I'm counting ticket stubs instead of sheep --

My momma thinks I'm crazy, my poppa thinks it's dope --

But my shameful secret holds far less hope --

My friends all ask me:

What are you doing here?

I'm worse than an addict, I'm a C.P.T. VOLUNTEER.

I've cleaned the bathrooms, I've swept the floor --

I've counted punk haircuts coming through the door --

Got paper cuts from mailings, bought T-shirts I don't need,

And the last performance artist made my eardrums bleed --

And what do they pay me?

Maybe a bottle of beer...

Oh, isn't life exciting for a C.P.T. VOLUNTEER!

They use me, abuse me, they tread me like mud --

They've done everything but drink my blood --

The way they take me for granted, it's plain to see

They treat me just like family!

(Instrumental break. Go-go dancers, male and female, lure the "Volunteer" onstage to dance with them -- putting Volunteer into the middle of a bump-and-grind daisy-chain, implying hot, hip orgiastic times to come.)

The pay is zero, the hours are long,

The benefits go on and on!

Why don't you sign up? Come on and give us a chance

Find out what happens when we're licking stamps...

(Lots of lascivious tongue action. While Volunteer is preoccupied with the go-go dancers, either the Artistic Director or Producing Director swoops in wearing a Dracula cape and plastic fangs -- and bites Volunteer on the neck.)

So you can call me a masochist,

The victim of a theatre vampire's kiss --

But when I stay away, it's not just art that I miss --

Where else in Cleveland are there people like this??

And so you will see me

Maybe next week or next year --

Especially if you become

A C.P.T. VOLUNTEER --

Maybe you would like to be

A C.P.T. VOLUNTEER!

(Music changes to percussive/stomp initiation ritual -- much like a trust exercise. Ensemble circles Volunteer, stomping -- then raises Volunteer over their heads, passing him around like firewood, each dressing him in some item of their clothing -- i.e., CPT T-shirt, beads, scarf, makeup -- so he is transformed.)

(At the end of the number, the Volunteer Coordinator enters, dressed in a nun's habit. She leads the newly initiated Volunteer off into the lobby where he is required to fold and staple programs throughout the rest of the first act.)

* * *

Artistic Director James A. Levin making futile proclamations.

FROM REVIEWS:

"There's a zany, wild energy, a feeling that this is absolutely the right way to present [Cleveland Public Theatre] -- as a temple of art, politically committed, where everybody is accepted to do whatever they can. Souls find inspiration, salvation -- just listen to Chris Wrabel's poignant hymn 'I Hate My Day Job.' The best parts are musical, in fact. Eisenstein does a wonderful, confessional blues about how the production originated. And when Karen Bull cuts loose on a gospel-style song called 'Save Our Home,' you'll be tempted to reach for your wallet."

- The Plain Dealer

"One hell of a weird, ribald and downright funny show...A Fellini-esque montage of theater, carnival, gospel revival and good old-fashioned begging...'Live Sex' is a very informative and entertaining explanation of just what CPT stands for and aspires to be...

All that crucifixion, baptism, go-go-girl stuff is just the sideshow which takes place before the show and during the intermission. The show itself is a musical madhouse, message-laden comic extravaganza, performed by an ensemble of volunteers with varying talent and training who, as their creed states, believe in taking risks. And hardly any they take fall short.

These people are truly gutsy, zany, balls-out individuals who believe in what they're doing and deserve your support to continue doing it. As Joe Milan sang in "CPT Volunteer," one of the cleverly penned Linda Eisenstein originals, "After they're gone, it's not the art that you'll miss. Where else in Cleveland are there people like this?" - The Scene

A crucified Technical Director Andrew Kaletta.

Inquiries:

No, this isn't available for production: "Chapel" was a site-specific piece for a particular time/place/culture. (Note: The photo of choregrapher Lisa Seppi smoking in the go-go booth under the sign "Prostituting Myself for Art" was reprinted in "The Best Plays 1991-1992".)

Video documentation of the piece is available, as well as an annotated script/commentary. If you're part of an alternative performance company interested in puttting together a similar event for your space -- the author is available for consultations/workshop on how to create one. Believe me, everyone will remember it. Talk to me.

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